A friend in need a friend indeed they say. College years, school years, yoga classes are some of the places you can meet those everlasting friends. They are vital for your well-being.
Friends make life meaningful. Maintaining your social connections help with keeping you happy, less anxious and can also prevent to lower the risk of mental and health issues like depression and keep you moving out and around.
But all friendships do not have the same tendencies. Some of them venture into toxic unrealistic and exhausting territories, that can be as harmful as a romantic relationship.
They’re always these basic behaviour traits that people have when it comes to true friendships and those who are willing and going to betray you.
True friends will be there with you without you having to question in regards; do you feel that you always have to be the one asking to hang out with them?
Is it a struggle to make plans with them? Do they prioritise people over you (they’ll make plans with you and then suddenly change them so they can hang out with someone else)? All of this at the end comes to, how much do these people value you in combination with other behaviours that add up in a toxic dysfunctional relationship/friendship.
So, how do we manage to finally end such a relationship? Especially when we are dealing with a friendship that has lasted for years and years?
Bad days vs. bad vibes
A good friend having a bad day might snap at you or seem distant, but they’ll likely apologise once things settle down.
Toxic friends, on the other hand, tend to follow a pattern that never really dies down. They won’t show much regret or inclination to change, even when they realise they made you feel bad
Some of The Signs.
Putting you down.
When you are opening up but they are always trying to find a way to put you down, and when they are trying to mention CONSTANTLY every little and big mistake that you have done with the most absurd cover up of all times.” I am saying this because I care and I want to protect you”.
Make you look always the bad person in an argument.
“Am I for real the bad one? Have I done it? Let me remember because yeah , it looks like it’s my fault I must have done something”.
And then boom! You realise that it wasn’t you. It wasn’t even something you did or you said. It was the fact that some people have a format and a template that can always make you look the bad one and also the moment you want to protect yourself they will tell you, that you are always victimising yourself.
They keep gossiping about everyone, talking bad about everyone, even blame you right in your face that you did it to them.
But their life is a big gossip magazine with a big headline about everyone they know.
Leave you unsettled
Spending time with a close friend should make you feel good, generally speaking. Maybe spending time with one particular friend leaves you uneasy or upset.
You might not even have a good explanation why, but when you leave them, you feel more relieved than disappointed, and you don’t look forward to spending time with them.
They let you down although they consider themselves always there
They always tell you I am here for you, and in your most difficult times they weren’t actually there. But still they believe that they did even more than being there for you they might even overcame their powers to stand by your side. But is that so? These kind of toxic persons can even persuade theirselves and lie to them but not you that they’ve been there for you.
So, how do you cut off a toxic friend?
Identifying the signs and preparing yourself is the first things you should do. Considering how much you have been through a toxic friendship and realising that it’s not worth it you take your decision to finally cut off and to move forward.
Take space for yourself.
Find the time to invest in you and make yourself valuable again. Time apart from the friendship can help you sort through your feelings and get clarity on your next steps. You can also see how your life looks without that person in it.
Set up your goals about upcoming friendships
Be honest to a piece of paper with your expectations and values what do you want from the relationships and the people around you. Also learn from your mistakes and try to self-improve.
Accept that your friendship might have hit its expiration date.
What if we have mutual friends?
If you and a toxic friend have mutual friends, you might worry how they’ll react. Don’t feel you have to give more details than you feel comfortable with. They may already have some awareness of the situation.
You might simply say, “I decided to end the friendship because it had a negative impact on my well-being,” or something along those lines.
Don’t be afraid of the change.
Coming to an end with a toxic friendship can be challenging, and it’s completely normal to need a little support at any part of the process. A therapist can help you and consider various options for ending or repairing the relationship.