One of my favourite books is the Love in the time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez and even if the story is about two people who fall in love since they first see each other and they are separated because the father doesn’t agree with this relationship – but they still wait to see each other; kind of it is the real-time story with love in the time of covid where covid and travel bans are the father. Sometimes we lose hope, sometimes it looks harder than we THINK we can’t bear and endure all this situation. But trust me! With some tips and tricks you can keep the spark alive and finally when this is over from the spark – flames will be floating all over the place!
1. Go back to the conversations when you were first dating.
That’s a great way to remember and bring back in mind WHY you are together. Bring back these moments & memories. How it made you feel. How much you felt into the heat of that moment that you wanted to know each other be with each other. This is something that definitely is going to give you motive since it is the perfect reminder why you are both together in this!
2. Do NOT compare your situation to others. And do NOT ask advice from 3rd parties.
We are surrounded by social media and so many success stories or sad stories. The fact that moment hasn’t arrived for you, must look painful but look at the bright side of it – and the old good and classy quote – everything comes at the right time. Also I’ve seen many people posting their situation and taking ten thousand different opinions. This DOESN’T help. No one really is in your shoes. Every situation is unique and even ourselves can sometimes misjudge the intentions and the feelings of our partner. Try to see the things as a third person when it comes to arguments and misunderstandings. Put yourself in this position and not ask others. Maybe your other half is going through something, or they do not express their feelings they way you do. Respect their insecurities, anxiety and differences. In my relationship I am the affectionate person. Whether it was while the long distance or in person. For him is so hard to express himself. But I took the time to realise that he is like that in general. I held back to see how he really is. Your patterns of communication can even look really different than the common lovey dovey ones but they are still healthy and REAL. You do not have to video chat 24/7 phone calls and texts can work too!
3. Maintain a healthy amount of both meaningful and random conversations.
Start conversations about anything – don’t focus only to oh my god when are we going to meet or to overexpose your anxiety about being in ldr. This will change. Invest in conversations and interests that you might have, moments and dreams that you would like experience as a couple and alone yourself. Sometimes people just like to know you’re thinking about them in the middle of a work day, even when you don’t have the time to talk for hours.”
4. Arrange on-line dates.
Have dinner together, watch a film together or play something online that you will both enjoy. As said above set your dates at your own pace. I literraly enjoy having online dates with my other half and also when it comes to movies which is our favourite thing, we spend our time watching the movie and even if we are on call we don’t speak to each other we are “together”in our own peace. Although, Don’t treat your relationship as a business meeting. It is not! You do not need to program everything. Your dates, your calls, your video chats.
5. Don’t forget to get naughty!
Whether it comes to LDR or physical, sex is important. And also to excite your partner. A naughty text or a photo or even having some private moments via phonecalls/zoom/etc. Treat those like a date. Get sexy, dress in their favorite color lingerie, and get down and dirty…virtually; to warm up the thingie. It makes you worry less connects you more. It is a way to get lost in the heat of the moment and also to become creative!
6. Do not force things.
There is a reason about everything. And the reason is not always bad. Sometimes things can look differently or challenging. Do not force them and do not force yourself or your partner. Take a deep breath when you are feeling overwhelmed. And search for second options or just let it be.
7. Have a plan about future.
As long as you have a plan about future focus there. The hardships and the oh fucks from distance are now. Focus on the future and how you are planing your visits, your relationship and your life together. Be prepared for the things that will work and for the things that might not. Be open and be honest about everything. If you have an illness, if you are a big spender, how you prefer to make a living, how you would see yourself in 5 years from now.
8. It is not only about chemistry is about compatibility.
The terms compatibility and chemistry are often used interchangeably, but they’re not the same thing.Compatibility is the natural alignment of lifestyle choices and values of two people Compatibility is about the long-term potential of two people. High compatibility comes from similarities in lifestyles & values. Generally speaking, educated liberal people usually date other educated and liberal people. Chemistry, on the other hand, represents the emotional connection present when two people are together.
My favourite artist Alex Grey once said, “True love is when two people have pathologies that complement one another.” He was only half-joking.
High levels of chemistry usually come from opposite yet complementaryqualities in people. A woman who is highly-strung, energetic, and slightly neurotic will tend to have a high degree of chemistry with a guy who is relaxed, mellow, and open. Introverts often have natural chemistry with extroverts. People who are orderly and intense planners sometimes work best with people who are spontaneous and unorganized.
Unlike a lack of compatibility, a lack of chemistry doesn’t repel –it simply results in a lack of emotional intensity. Things just feel kind of dead and boring.
9. Build up a strong personality.
A strong personality is the key to success in everything in life. Same applies to LDRs. If you build self emotional endurance, then you will be able to overcome the problems and the hardships that you face and are coming through. Growing strong and bold in long distance relationship will reflect you how you will be in your physical one. It is all about how you want to deal with issues and the way you would like to treat and handle a situation. Being impatient, anxious and nervous will occur to problems. And mainly will occur problems to yourself. There are activities and actions that they give us negative results and others to build us and come up.
- Don’t stalk social media
- Don’t allow your mind to play games.
- Don’t compare yourself
- Don’t start with what If’s
- Don’t stay constantly and for too long on a situation
- Don’t recycle the problem
- Don’t act when you are angry or emotional
- Give space to yourself
- Think twice
- Think outside of the box
- Be realistic
- Be compassionate to yourself
- Become creative
- Think before you speak
- Always have a plan b.
- Remember that this is not going to last forever.
- Be the person you want to be.
10. Your Long Distance Relationship is as real as you want it to be!
Don’t let anyone tell you the different way. You know better what is real and what is not. Even if you belong in the category of #nevermet it can be fucking real and it is all yours. You know your feelings your emotions your limitations your expectations and in general it is Y O U R R E L A T I O N S H I P capiche?