Maybe having a more serious “date”with your other half one Saturday night or on a day-off doesn’t sound very sexy fun and promising. But it is essential before you tie the knot and to share your eternal vows. Since you want them to be eternal, actually you need to make a conversation with the topics below so you know where you and your partner are stepping and getting into. It is rather important to be honest and open. If you can NOT be these two important things then you are not ready for the next step and it will probably become your “Titanic”.
1 MONEY
It the most essential talk EVER. A LOT OF marriages end up failing because of the finances or end up with endless arguments and disappointments. What are your future plans of making a living? Are you going to have a “common wallet and bank account”? Are you going to share or split the bills? Are you on the same page of spending? Are you going to stick with a financial plan of saving/investing/spending? A lot of people have the mentality of “We will figure it out as we keep going”. Believe me this ain’t going no where and doesn’t work AT ALL. It can really destroy the family especially if there will be kids in the middle and it will end up in a crazy war.
Premarital financial counselling. All you need to know and think about.
Financial counseling represents the provision of regular, one-on-one client sessions to guide clients toward making financial performance improvements that meet the individualized goals set mutually between client and counselor. Pre-marriage financial counseling for couples can cover topics such as financial goals, debt, and setting a joint budget, among other issues… every couple can benefit from financial counseling.
After all, life isn’t always comfortable so for a relationship to last, it needs to be built on a foundation of honest, respectful communication, no matter what the topic.
2 SEX
Of course sex is the abc of a healthy relationship and I do not mean having sex all the day, I mean which sex life you would love to follow. Your taboos your dos&donts , your experiences and fears. Your feelings and emotions. Do you feel comfortable expressing yourselves and exposing your bodies and needs?
3. EXTENDED FAMILY
Do your families get along? Are you getting along with the family of your partner? Where are you stepping when there will be arguements and harsh words maybe for one of you from an extended family member? Is he the mommy’s boy? Is she daddy’s girl? When it comes to family traditions, do you have any? Will there be a conflict between the traditions—especially around holiday time?
4. PERSONAL SPACE AND LIMITS
It is really important to set boundaries. If you don’t you will be the first one who will be in trouble. Every relationship no matter the kind whether it is friendship, love, family and even with our own selves we need to set limits. It is really really important to know where to begin and where to stop. When you need to give and get some space. One of my favourite quotes is My freedom stops were yours begins. And what does this really mean? That I can be myself but in a place where I do not become annoying, mean, or any kind of disturbing the liberties of the other person.
“If this isn’t discussed beforehand, one partner may feel ditched or jealous, or one of them could begin to feel suffocated and start building resentments. A conversation early on about the normal desire to have some time alone could help distinguish individual needs for solitude from rejection, and allow partners to ask for alone time when they need it and enjoy the time they spend together even more.”
psycologist and marriage consular from CA
5. KIDS
Some want to be the “just the two of us”which is pretty much ok and great and something that you shouldn’t be afraid like Carrie and Big from Sex and the City. Some are not the loving affectionate type to have kids. Which is ok too. Some people are born to be parents and they will be the greatest ever. But it is NOT ok if you want to bring kids in this world when you are not ready, when you actually do not have a plan and when you haven’t solved all the issues mentioned above with your partner. Also the factors of infertility unfortunately shit happens. Is adoption or alternative methods in your plans in case you would love to raise and grow with kids? And don’t forget the most important talk if you both want kids. The way you are going to raise these kids.
6. MONOGAMY
“Most couples do want a monogamous marriage; however, monogamy can mean different things to different people, and without an honest conversation it is easy to imagine that your fiancé shares your views. Dig deeper, though: Are you comfortable with your soon-to-be spouse grabbing dinner with an ex who is in town on business? Are you comfortable with private or public friendships with an ex on social media? What about colleagues of the opposite sex? Will you be comfortable if you both have work that involves travel with attractive colleagues? And how might you want to navigate such situations if they arise? What if one of you develops a crush? It can be helpful to explore hypothetical challenges to monogamy through honest conversations before marriage.” ― ElisabethJ. LaMotte,
